


For Science, John

by beautifullyheeled, HumsHappily



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Burning things that weren't meant to be burnt, Closeted John, Comeplay, Crack, Curious Sherlock, For Science John, I swear, It's For a Case, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Masturbation, So so much crack, crack!fic, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:39:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullyheeled/pseuds/beautifullyheeled, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily/pseuds/HumsHappily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's for science. It's for a case.<br/>Come on John, twist your hand a bit more.<br/>The fire will burn out at this rate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Science, John

**Author's Note:**

> It was 4 am. I was exhausted. Beautifullyheeled and I were chatting. This happened. The authors regret everything. (No they don't) -HumsHappily

  
  


“It’s an experiment John, look, I’ll take notes”

“Sherlock this is ridiculous. It’s June for one thing, and you’ve got the bloody fire going. I’m sweating!”

“Take off all your clothes then, you’ll lower your body temperature. I’ll open the window.”

“I don’t understand _why_ you need me to do this.”

“For science. I need to establish the exact scent and texture as semen lands within flames. ”

“But Sherlock why don’t I just wank and give it to you? Or better yet, you wank and record the data from your _own_?”

“God John, no, I need it fresh. Now, according to my data the average distance your ejaculate travels is just under half a meter when excessively aroused, so we will have to be positioned at least that close to the fire so that maximum amount of sample is utilized.”

_**“How do you even know that?”** _

“Elementary, my dear Watson.”

“What the hell? You never call me Watson.”

“Don’t I? No matter. Come along John, rub one out for Queen and country.”

“If I do this, will you never, ever ask me again?  For anything?”

“Of course not. Now since I’m aware you fantasize about me during masturbation, I’ll stay right here for your visual convenience”

“...."

“Move your hands, come on. Up and down John, you do this frequently. You should know how. I hardly expected you to be so ignorant of your own body.”

“...."

“Add a little twist, just there... yes. See, much better. Your rhythm was off by .06 percent without it."

“Sherlock, really, I don’t think that…”

“Oh God, John, here let me do it."

“Hey! Ohhhh my God, Sherlock, christ.”

“Interestingly, during tumescence, your length only increases by half an inch. No matter, you already are above average for British men.”

“Bloody hell, Sherlock, where did you learn to do tha--- _OH CHRIST_ ”

“Quiet John, Mrs.Hudson will hear.”

“Buggering fuck, Sherlock stop, I’m going to--- _ack_!”

“I’m so disappointed John. I had expected you to last exactly 3.9 minutes longer."

"Sherlock, Christ, what... what did you expect. Touching me. Like _THAT._ "

“Hmph. We’ll have to redo it. Not enough landed in the fire. Disappointing aim, John.”

“Oh come off it, Sherlock, like you could've done better?”

“Undoubtedly.”

“Whatever. Besides, look there’s some right there. Bubbling on the log.”

“Ooh!”

“Ouch Sherlock, why the hell did you have to shove me out of the way?”

“Shut up John, hand me that notebook. Now, what does it smell like?”

“...."

“...."

“Um, actually it smells a bit like melting rubber and old tea. And burning cotton?”

“Oh….No, that’s because I used your jumper to start the fire.”

“ **You WHAT?!** ”

“Oh, they’re hardly worth getting upset about. I just used that ratty old blue one.”

“That ratty old…. _SHERLOCK_! That was brand new! It cost me thirty quid!”

“And a wasted thirty quid it was.”

“You’re an arse.”

“I am indeed.”

“At least you admit it.”

“Mmm.”

“...."

“...."

“...."

“...."

“Sherlock…”

“John?”

“You...you tossed me off.”

“Yes, I did. Did you enjoy it?”

“...."

“...."

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“I’m still not gay.”

“ _Really John?_ ”

“ **Yes! Really!** ”

“The data suggests otherwise.”

“The data can go--”

“The data is going on the website, and nowhere else. Besides, you don’t have to be gay!”

“...."

“....”

“...."

“....I..don’t..I..don’t….have to..wait... _what_?”

"Bisexual. Homoromantic even for God’s sake. No one could stare at a pair of lips as long as you and not be fantasizing about kissing them. And please don’t try to tell me that there isn’t sexual attraction there, I can practically taste it.”

“....”

“....”

“Would you like too? You know...sometime.”

“Like to what?”

“Taste it.”

“Will you allow me to test how excess saliva affects the boiling point of your semen?

“....”

“....”

“Are you..are you saying you won’t swallow?”

“Yes.”

“Ah. Right then.”

“....”

“....”

“....”

“So, no objections to the continued experimentation then?”

“Well, I mean, it is for science.”

“Course.”

“And I...well I can’t say no if it will help with a case.”

“Course not.”

“And you won’t tell anyone?”

“Not unless I have to prove the source of my knowledge.”

“ _Sherlock_.”

“No, I won’t say anything to anyone.”

“....”

“....”

“Sherlock?”

“John?”

“Could you..I mean..d’ya wanna…”

“Kiss?”

“...Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Oh thank God.”

“Mmmf!”

“What!”

“I landed in the semen that didn’t make it to the fire.”

“Oh.”

“....”

“Bit gross then?”

“Yes.”

“....”

“....”

“Well…I suppose we ought to..move.”

“Bedroom?”

“Oh god yes.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
